Happy Spring Solstice and Happy Birthday to Me
Growing up between the Hudson Valley, NY and Central Jersey, I was used to spring actually feeling like spring. But I live in Wisconsin now, which means that this March 20th I’m staring at melting snow piles from last weekend’s storm that dumped 26” on our previously brown-but-trying-to-be-spring lawns.
I always take my birthday off. Why? Because work doesn’t bring me joy and a day off absolutely does. As you read this, I’m not answering emails and am probably enjoying my free Starbucks coffee.
Instead I’ll leave with you the millennial musings of a recently 38-year-old woman entrepreneur who is, if I’m being honest, feeling more “meh” than great these days.
Before I turned 30, I was an emotional mess. I cried, and my then-boyfriend-now-husband wrote “it’s going to be okay, I love you” in my birthday card because I was so overwhelmed by the idea of entering a new decade. I felt like I hadn’t accomplished everything I was supposed to! I wasn’t married! I didn’t own a home! I had mountains of student loan debt! I wasn’t even a manager yet!!!!!!
So I made a list - 30 things to accomplish by 30 - and I dutifully completed it. Some were reasonable, some were ridiculous. I don’t really remember any of them other than getting my ears pierced.
Now I’m knocking on the door of 40, and while I theoretically should be developing my 40 by 40 list. I’m too freaking exhausted to even pretend that sounds fun.
I’m tired of pretending that everything is hunky dory lately.
The world is BLEAK lately. The news cycle is HEAVY. The things dominating my brain space are ABSURD.
So this year, I’m not going to make a list of goals or aspirations. I’m making a list of 38 things I’m going to no longer carry with me. Personal and professional, because when you’re an entrepreneur, those lines don’t exist anyway.
Gas station purchases because I feel guilty about using the bathroom without buying anything. (Moreso at major chains than at mom and pop’s)
Flying Southwest Airlines (*after my flight next Friday and my $300 credit is used up) because who has time for that drama?
Picking at my cuticles.
Being dehydrated despite owning every trending water bottle from the last 5 years.
Not washing my fruits and vegetables before eating them. (I KNOW IT’S GROSS I AM LAZY AND I JUST THINK I’M INVINCIBLE OKAY)
Buying lipstick luxuries (especially lip products) because I am sad and want a quick pick-me-up. I will die with unused lip glosses, I swear.
Buying on-trend stuff I don’t need.
Shopping on Amazon.
Acting like home-cooked meals only count if they’re from scratch.
Worrying about consuming superhuman levels of protein.
Consuming too much caffeine.
Sleeping with my cell phone in the room.
Leaving texts on read. I need to check my phone less often, but when I do, be prepared to send a response right then and there.
Stopping and starting journaling. It takes 5 minutes, and I need to do it consistently.
Overscheduling.
Saying yes to volunteer commitments that I don’t want to do.
Maintaining relationships with people who are exhausting and can’t accept me for who I am.
Clients who are too much drama.
Chasing RFPs. The goal is referral-based business!
Questioning whether I’m “enough” as a business owner.
Stressing about what AI is going to take away from me. Could my job be replaced? Sure. Whatever. I’ll get another one.
Alcohol.
BODY IMAGE ISSUES. Letting the emaciation of GLP1 celebrities and influencers get to me. Skinny doesn’t equate to healthy. I won’t feel any happier if I’m skinny because I was miserable when I was in the thick of disordered eating.
Maintaining a 27-step skincare routine to pretend that I’m not aging.
Wellness “trends” that are rebranded control issues.
Feeling shame about taking SSRIs and/or NDRIs.
Anxious overthinking. I need to get up and DO SOMETHING when I start spiraling like this.
Trying to understand other people’s healing timeframes after loss.
The idea that I have to be good at hobbies. You can do something just for the sake of doing it, you don’t have to be good at it.
The pressure for everything to be “aesthetic”.
Doomscrolling.
Outrage news cycles that last for 48 hours.
Feeling like I need to be on my phone every time I have a moment of downtime.
Supporting brands and retailers associated with Jeffrey Epstein.
Supporting politicians affiliated with Jeffrey Epstein.
Men who fail upward and call it confidence.
Smart home devices.
Consuming content that leaves me feeling worse about myself.
